Five fearless predictions for the Big Ten season


With college football finally under way, many are anxious to see how the season is going to turn out. The Big Ten is an especially intriguing conference, with Ohio State set to contend for a national title, Michigan in a rebuilding year and teams like Michigan State, Wisconsin and Penn State all fighting for the Big Ten crown. No one knows exactly what will happen this year, but here are five things that will happen – the “for sures.”

1) Michigan will leave the Big Ten

After opening the season with a morale-crushing loss to mid-major Utah, the Wolverines will look to keep their streak of 33 consecutive bowl appearances alive by ditching the Big Ten for the softer schedule of the Great Lakes Intercollegiate Athletic Conference. They will finish 5-3 in conference play.

2) Ohio State will call on an old friend

When college football last saw Maurice Clarett, he was leading Ohio State to a 31-24 double-overtime victory against Miami in the 2003 Fiesta Bowl. Since then, he has failed out of the NFL, made a slew of bad decisions and gotten sentenced to seven and a half years in prison. Look for Clarett to spring free with the help of a rock hammer and a strategically-placed Raquel Welch poster and lead the Buckeyes to another appearance in the title game.

3) Ohio State will ring in the new year in familiar fashion

January 2007 saw a heavily-favored Ohio State team get blown out by SEC Champion Florida, 41-14. The following year brought more of the same, with LSU torching Ohio State for a 38-24 victory. This year expect Georgia to come out of the SEC and give the Buckeyes another all-too-hilarious clownstomping. Vanderbilt and the rest of the SEC anxiously await their turn.

4) Michigan State will finally beat Michigan

With Michigan struggling to implement a new scheme and the young team still adjusting to the spread offense, State will get the better of their archrivals for the first time in seven years. The East Lansing police had better have their tear gas ready, as Spartan students are sure to riot after such a big victory. In the case of another Spartan loss, it should be noted, the chances of a riot plummet to 93%.

5) Jim Tressel will try to steal Christmas

Frankly this just seems like a Tressel thing to do.