‘Final Destination’ crashes on arrival

Scott Viau

In “The Final Destination” death comes in many forms, whether it is getting sucked through a drain at the bottom of a pool or being dragged by your own car while simultaneously burning alive. For the audience, though, death comes when you purchase your ticket and sit down to watch CGI blood and guts thrown through the screen in an attempt to scare and horrify.

While enjoying an afternoon at the race car track, Nick O’Bannon (Campo) has a vision of a horrifying accident where he and all his friends are killed. Deciding that this premonition is most definitely real, Nick gathers his friends and leads them out of the stadium. Seconds later his vision comes true. Realizing he has cheated death, Nick begins to fear that it is only a matter of time before he and his friends die. In an effort to save his friends from their untimely demise he must figure out the order in which they were to be killed and intervene before death has a chance to close its icy grip around them.

I know no one is going to see this movie because of the acting, but surely the casting directors could have found people who were both pretty and talented. It’s mainly the women of the film who remain wide-eyed and clueless. It’s as if they forgot how humans act and are just giving wooden impersonations. The male leads filling the archetypes of hero and cocky jock do fine in their respective roles, but I certainly wouldn’t expect them to be headlining any serious films anytime soon. The film does contain characters that are so ludicrous one can’t help but chuckle at them. This mainly pertains to the man who plays the racist and his whistling of “Dixie” when the token black character walks by him.

The death scenes were somewhat original but the unrealistic CGI gore ruins any sort of gross out factor that could have been obtained. The plot is literally paper thin, and to up the ante on killings, we’re given characters that are not fleshed out and are only there to be butchered. Those concerned about not getting enough bang for their buck need not worry. There’s not much of a storyline to get in the way of the deaths. One could even say that to use the word plot is to give it too much credit. The movie often feels more like a string of death scenes rather than a fully formed film.

The witticisms audience members will be able to throw out gives this film its unintentional saving grace. The characters’ dialogue and actions are so ridiculous that one can’t help but make fun of the entire film. Besides, it’s not as if the film actually takes itself seriously. It knows what it is and delivers just that. Yet I can’t help but wonder how the film’s 82 minute runtime could feel so much longer than that.

The film’s main draw, the 3D, is the same run-of-the-mill shtick one would expect from a horror film, except this time around it’s just done poorly. This is easily the worst 3D experience I’ve ever had. Sure, things are flying out of the screen but it’s the same stuff we witnessed in “My Bloody Valentine.” After last weekend’s box office numbers were announced it should come as no surprise that the trend of making 3D horror films will only continue to grow.

Fans of the first three “Final Destination” movies can go into this one knowing exactly what they’re going to get: pretty people, lots of gore and nothing else. All others expecting “Destination” to bring more to the table than the previous installments will be sorely disappointed. Those looking to see this movie this weekend may want to cheat death themselves and just stay home.