What’s a horse race without any good horses?

Jared Myers

While the first Republican primary debate is more than half a year away, would -be candidates have kept themselves busy by recruiting campaign strategists and maintaining the most strategic of balancing acts: the delicate art of appealing to everyone and essentially no one at all.

A brief glance at some of the potential candidates leaves much to be desired, and at the end of the day I find the same word swirling through my head: “seriously?”

Junior senators, including Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky, Sen. Marco Rubio of Florida and Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas, are most certainly gearing up for a run at the presidency. But we have to ask, what specifically do they offer to us as a nation?

Considering the amount of criticism the current president has received by himself being a junior senator-turned-president, the gall being put forth by select members of the Republican Party is hypocritical to say the least.

Consider Sen. Paul, an optometrist-turned-Tea Party darling due to the fervent support of his father’s grassroots activists.

A supposed libertarian at heart, Sen. Paul’s non-interventionist foreign policy lands himself at odds with a hawkish Republican Party who would love nothing more than to continue the seemingly endless war on terror.

Much to the chagrin of his fan base, Sen. Paul has made it painfully unclear throughout the last year that he is, but isn’t, okay with interventionist policies at work throughout the Middle East.

If that sounds confusing congratulations Sen. Paul, your campaign strategy appears to be working.

Sen. Cruz on the other hand can’t be bothered with debating meaningful legislation. He’d much rather serve as the chief architect for the government shutdown of 2013. He has also read passages from a Dr. Seuss book while speaking out against the Affordable Care Act on the Senate floor.

Examining Sen. Rubio’s track record is equally paltry. Rubio, the son of Cuban immigrants, is widely regarded for supporting immigration reform before repealing his support for immigration reform.

He also provided awkward laughs during the 2013 Republican State of the Union response by attempting to sneak in a sip of water while the light of a thousand suns danced across his face.

Junior senators aside, Gov. Rick Perry of Texas has hinted at a possible run as well as former Govs. Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee, and last but certainly not least, former Florida governor Jeb Bush.

Seriously now, do we need another Bush in office? Do we need the bumbling southerner Perry embarrassing himself again on the debate floor?

It’s safe to say you would probably stop being friends with someone who continually lies to you and then proceeds to weave elaborate tales to explain their lack of an explanation. Why then, should anyone find themselves excited about any of these clowns getting behind the wheel of the executive branch?

Did Mitt not receive the resounding message that the majority of the people in this country don’t want a stilted robot serving as leader of the free world?

Consider who these candidates largely appeal to: borderline senile baby boomers who have taken up arms within the Tea Party and preach the good word of Glenn Beck.

The 2012 primaries were a comedy goldmine and contained such an enormous amount of mudslinging that the Republican National Committee found themselves quickly changing their campaign rules and debate schedule in hopes of preventing another self-inflicted political injury.

Democrats on the other hand, well, it’s safe to say that if a political party wants to be analyzed, it might help if they actually stand for something.

I welcome the coming insanity with glee.