I have never been a fan of birthdays, especially my own. 

I think they’re silly. One day a long long time ago I was pushed from my mothers whooha, and now it’s celebrated every year? I did none of the work and right away I became a needy lump of a human. At that point all I did was eat, sleep and poop my pants. 

I think my strong distaste for birthdays happened when I was younger. Most of the time my brother and I shared a birthday party. We’re both October babies so we’d share a party to make it easy on our mom to plan. I guess a part of me wanted a time for myself, but it was always shared. I’m sure my brother felt the same way. Additionally my brother’s birthday is on Halloween, my favorite holiday. Part of me was always jealous he got to be born on such a cool day, and I was just born on an average Tuesday. 

As an adult now I hate my birthday for different reasons. 

Having split parents isn’t fun for multiple reasons. One of them is splitting time on holiday occasions. When it came time for birthdays my parents would always debate who got us on our birthdays, sometimes they’d even fight over it on our birthdays. My parents were never shy about fighting in front of my brother and I either. You can see how this is traumatic for a little eight year old who just wants some damn cake. 

This has stuck with me, and every year on Oct. 9, the shrilling yells of my father and mother, debating on who got to see their little baby girl on her special (not so special) day replay. 

To me Oct. 9 has always just been another day on the calendar. When I was in high school it always felt like a competition to see who got the most birthday posts from their friends. I always thought it was so stupid. 

I also hate being the center of attention. It makes me feel awkward; at events like birthdays I just want it to be like any other hang out with my friends where we’re all together collectively.

Now that I’m an adult, and I’m past the age of 21, there’s no birthdays to look forward to anymore. Well, unless you’re a freak like me— I’m excited to turn 25 just in case I need a rental car. 

I’m past the golden age of birthdays, no more Pokémon birthday parties like I had when I was a child, and I’ve been able to go to the bar for a year so it’s not as special anymore. 

Now as an adult my only wish is to get through birthdays as quickly as possible, get home, have a nice dinner with a little glass of wine, maybe a slice of cake if I’m feeling frisky and go to bed at a decent time. Yeah I know, what a snooze fest. 

So this year I’m hoping to try something different. I want to throw a party at my place, and allow myself to have a party for once and let myself hog the attention. 

Right now my life is a little chaotic because I’m in the middle of a move and my birthday will be postponed to next month, but I’ve made a goal for myself to actually allow myself to honor the day I came into this world. I think having a celebration not exactly on my birthday will help me with this goal, but maybe next year I’ll be able to have one on my birthday, or at least in the same month. If you’re like me and don’t like birthdays, try baby steps. People want to celebrate you because they love you and you should let them. 

I know I need to listen to my own words, but we can work on it together.