Everyday starts the same for me. I wake up to the annoying sound of my alarm clock, struggle to make it to my bathroom because I can’t see and then I put my contacts in. Only, one day a few weeks ago something changed. Instead of looking at myself in the mirror and telling myself I’m ready to slay the day I thought to myself something negative.
When looking in the mirror, the only thing I could think about was how ugly I thought I looked, and how all I wanted to do was lather my face in makeup so I wouldn’t be seen. Now if you know me, I love to be self deprecating, but I never mean it other than just messing around. But this morning, I had full intent and my mind went rampant.
Thoughts like these aren’t uncommon for girls, and even women. If you would’ve heard my internal monologue, you would’ve thought instead of seeing myself in the mirror I saw an elephant seal, a rather unpleasant animal in my eyes.
Since then I’ve been practicing kind words. More importantly, I’ve been trying to fall back in love with my natural beauty.
When I was little, I remember always telling my mom I liked her face better when she didn’t put makeup on it. She’d always laugh it off, and continue to put it on like I never said anything. It always upset me that she didn’t see herself the way I saw her — as beautiful.
Honestly I didn’t start wearing makeup until my freshman year of college, before that the only makeup I wore was mascara on special occasions.
That morning I was reminded of what little me would say to my mom, and how disappointed little Megan would be in myself if she knew how I thought of myself.
Since that morning weeks ago, I’ve been working on finding the love I have for my face and all its natural beauty and quirks.
It hasn’t been easy. When I go out in public with no makeup on I feel like I’m half naked, and the cops will come and arrest me any minute. The most rewarding aspect of this journey has been looking at the mirror. Now when I look in the mirror I see myself, not someone I’m trying to be.
I’ve never been a fan of makeup, it’s never felt like me. I rejected the idea of foundation for a long time because it made me feel like a clown, painting my face on every morning.
I’ve started to let myself transition back to wearing makeup everyday, but things are different now. When I’m putting it on now I know it’s not needed for me to feel comfortable and confident. It sounds weird, but I look at my face and admire it now, because I know I can hold a conversation without my mask on.
If you’re struggling with your self identity, or like me and feel like you’re ugly, just know you’re not alone. Take a step back from the situation and assess what’s wrong. For me all I needed was a little bit of TLC to appreciate the face I already have.
