For weeks, I have been chuckling quietly to myself every time I saw someone waddling around in a winter jacket well before the first snow even fell. It is the easiest way to weed out who is a true Yooper and who is a transplant. If these students think we’ve experienced bad weather already, they haven’t seen anything yet.
Upper Peninsula weather is always unique, but during winter it gets downright temperamental. It can either inspire a crisp, cool love affair or a frosty deep-rooted hatred. Here is some advice for those who will be experiencing a U.P. winter for the first time.
Let me start by ranting about a phenomenon that makes an annual occurrence in the University Center parking lot. As soon as the first snow dusts the ground, the parking lot descends into chaos. It’s as if seeing those first few flakes causes drivers to lose their eyesight, along with their minds.
Last week, a truck was parked halfway into its own spot and halfway into the spot across from it. Two vehicles across from one another had only nosed into their spots, leaving their back ends to block entrance into an entire lane. Other vehicles were parked at the kind of angles that are only found in geometry textbooks.
All of this happened while the yellow lines were still visible. This was only a light amount of snow, people; and we’re set to get a whole lot more of it before the season is done. The white stuff on the ground does not mean students can replace their drivers’ licenses with licenses to park like fools.
Also, navigating from place to place on campus becomes an entirely different experience during the winter. If students are driving a vehicle that doesn’t have four-wheel drive, they shouldn’t attempt anything fancy; they should just concentrate on getting from point A to point B- unless they want to donate a significant amount of their next paycheck to a towing company.
During this season, even walking to and from class becomes an adventure. There are days where the familiar sidewalks could easily double as speed-skating tracks. If students are late for class during the winter, it’s never advisable to take the expression “run to class” literally. If they do, they could end up on their back, looking like an upturned turtle.
If someone does take a spill on the ice, it’s only acceptable to laugh if the victim is laughing. If this rule isn’t observed, the situation will quickly lose its humor when the person who fell puts the person who laughed face-first into a snowbank. This, by the way, is perfectly within their right to do.
When it feels like the snow is closing in, students should make sure that they still find a way to get outside- whether it’s to do something as juvenile as start a snowball fight, make a snow angel, build a snowfort with friends or to do something ultimately beneficial, such as creating the world’s first three-story parking structure built entirely of snow to alleviate the university’s percieved parking shortages.
Students who opt to stay inside all winter will emerge from their lairs sporting the same round figure and snowy-white coloring of the snowmen who were grinning outside all winter. The only upside of spending all that time inside is that they will have one sweet myspace page.
On a serious note, keeping your vehicle’s morale high is of utmost importance. The more gas you can put in the tank, the better. Those new to the weather might be surprised to learn that a tank with the needle resting below half-full, combined with freezing temperatures is the perfect recipe for making gas lines freeze.
It’s miserable to be stuck on a frozen campus without a car. Never in your life will you baby a vehicle more than you do during a U.P. winter.
And always keep jumper cables, a blanket, and a cell phone handy for emergencies.
If you remember all of these tips, you’ll make it through your first U.P. winter just fine, and maybe you won’t feel the need to wear a jacket until there is actually snow on the ground next year.
Categories:
Tips for living in the U.P. Tundra
November 15, 2007
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