Ask Alex: True friends shouldn’t cause misery

NW Staff and NW Staff

Dear Alex,

I have been through more than any human being can possibly endure. I have dealt with backstabbing, betrayal, hatred, violence, abuse; the list goes on and on.

This is attributed to experiences with so-called “friends” from my past. I had felt so down about everything after all of it happened that I wished that there was some way I could undo the past and never have met any of those people.

Now, I sit here and I have come to the point where I have said, “I’ve had enough with this. I’m not submitting to the pain anymore!”

And I’ve tired to break the cycle of allowing myself to be dragged down by the people that caused me so much pain. I do alright with it, but, as of recently, it has been coming back again in full force and causing more pain and suffering.

I know that I can never escape the entirely, but I just want to be able to live a normal life again. What do you suggest I do to try suppressing these memories and gain my life back again?

Broken and Suffering

Dear Broken,

Betrayal in any sense of the word is hard to comprehend no matter who the perpetrator may be.

When we feel as if we have been betrayed it is natural to wonder why. Did we do something or is it the other person or persons who are to blame? Or maybe it is both parties.

If, after a time, the initial situation cannot be resolved, then a healthy relationship is not possible with the other party and you must decide whether or not it is more beneficial to you to remove this person or persons from your life completely.

You should not attempt to suppress the memories, though. This is because these memories are a part of your past and a part of the experiences that make up who you are now.

If your experiences are painful and detrimental to functioning normally, then you should think about talking with someone about your experiences.

Northern offers a free counseling service to students. Their Web site (www.nmu.edu/counselingcenter/) offers helpful self-help advice and outlines the services available or you can call and make an appointment at 227-2980.

Alex

Alex is the pseudonym of a NMU graduate student who was awarded bachelor’s of science in psychology, where she focused primarily on adolescent crisis counseling.
She welcomes questions and feedback from students, faculty and community members. Feel free to e-mail her at [email protected] or drop by the North Wind office. Please include your real name with your submission for verification purposes. Anonymity is guaranteed.