Film: My Bloody Valentine 3D
Director: Patrick Lussier
Producer: Jack L. Murray
Writers: Todd Farmer, Zane Smith
Starring: Jensen Ackles, Jamie Kig, Kerr Smith
Runtime: 101 minutes
Rating: R
It’s January and film aficionados everywhere know exactly what that means. Studios in Hollywood typically use this month as a dumping ground for films that will receive less than stellar reviews. So it’s this critic’s utter foolishness to think that “My Bloody Valentine” would rise to be anything more than what it is: a by-the-numbers horror film that has even less going on for it than one might think.
Harry Warden (Richard Walters), a miner in the small, quiet town of Harmony, snaps and kills his fellow miners shortly before the mine caves in. Harry is then rushed to the hospital only to be in a coma for a year. After waking up he continues his reign of terror and soon heads back to the mine where he finds a group of teenagers throwing a party. The police, hip to Harry’s one-track mind, rush to the mine, saving the life of Tom Hanniger (Jensen Ackles) and taking out Harry in the process. The 10 year anniversary of the massacre shows that life has returned to normal for the survivors, but all does not remain normal for long. As corpses suddenly begin to pile up, the townspeople begin to wonder if Harry is truly dead or if there is a copycat killer trying to fill the mining boots of Harry Warden.
What the performers do in this film is not acting. It may seem like it, but it’s not. It’s simply a caricature. It’s as if the filmmakers decided to spend all their money on the 3D gimmick and resorted to finding actors who will work for the lowest amount of money. Yeah, horror films are usually a way for young actors to get their foot in the door, but by doing so they’re hurting themselves more often than not. I can’t imagine any filmmaker seeing an actor in this film and saying, “I want that person in my next film.”
Patrick Lussier, director of this film, does a slipshod job trying to keep all the elements together, and by the end they’ve all fallen apart. He tries to interweave a romantic subplot and it just doesn’t work. Most audience members are not seeing this film for the character development. With a script written so poorly, it’s hard to understand why Lussier would even try to make it more than what it is. The end of the film, which employs one of the oldest tricks in horror films, fails miserably. Lussier, who edited the far superior “Scream” films, appears to have attempted to borrow from the ending of one of those and then decided to throw a twist on it. As fans of horror films know, if you’re going to put in a twist it better be good, otherwise don’t bother with it at all. On a more trivial note, many people, especially English majors, will find the use of the number four as a replacement for the word for enough to raise their ire.
While most people will be seeing this film solely for the 3D gimmick, it leaves much to be desired. Having the entire film shown in 3D is quite superfluous, especially when only a few scenes benefit from the added dimension. As a whole, the film has more depth to it than it does objects flying out of the screen. This is not to say that the 3D element is completely useless. There are indeed a handful of scenes that are very cool to experience. But these are few and far between. The dénouement of the film, which one would expect to be nothing but 3D awesomeness, only offers a few shots that are noteworthy.
One might be disappointed to learn that this film is not an original creation from Hollywood. It is indeed a remake of a relatively old horror movie. Although the plot between the two films has been changed slightly, the latter is more than likely the worst of the two. Those looking for topnotch scares and thrilling 3D entertainment will not find it in this reimagining. The only thing this film delivers on is an occasionally cool death scene and otherwise boring plot lines. “My Bloody Valentine” is more like bloody garbage. Save yourself a few dollars and rent the original.
