You already know that maintaining your general health is vital to your survival. Unfortunately, many young adults don’t take the necessary steps in ensuring that their sexual health and well-being are taken into consideration as well. Knowing the facts about human sexuality — including fulfillment, intimacy, birth control and sexually transmitted infection (STI) prevention — can be just as crucial to staying healthy as eating your veggies and wearing sunscreen. My goal is that my advice will help NMU’s student population take charge of their reproductive health. If you would like to submit a question, please e-mail me at [email protected]. Your questions will remain anonymous. Although I have much knowledge in the area of human sexuality, I am not a medical doctor and my advice should not replace the advice of a doctor.
Q: Why do so many women feel the need to fake orgasms, and is there any way to tell if a girl is “faking it?”
A: Unfortunately, faking orgasm is a fairly common occurrence. If someone you have been with has confessed to doing this, please don’t take it personally. Most often, when a woman fakes an orgasm it is usually because during sexual activity she reaches a point where she feels certain she isn’t going to have a genuine orgasm this time around. Rather than risking hurting her partner’s feelings by making him/her feel incompetent in the bedroom, it often seems like the best thing to do is to just fake it. Less commonly, some women just aren’t feeling in the mood, because of stress, birth control side effects or other reasons, and would rather just “get it over with” by faking an orgasm. Of course, this easy-way-out can have negative consequences. First of all, if her partner found out, he or she could feel hurt and betrayed. Second, if the reason she isn’t reaching orgasm is because she isn’t communicating her sexual needs to her partner, then her needs are never going to be met since her partner will go on thinking that he or she is satisfying her well enough.
Another very common reason a woman might fake orgasm is because she feels bad about herself for not being able to reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse. The fact is that most women need constant clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm and not vaginal penetration alone. I enjoy pornography as much as the next college student, but you should take note that most pornographic films should be used solely for visual stimulation and not as an instructional guide. Porn is very male-centered and doesn’t give much focus to genuine female pleasure. This can cause young people to believe that women have multiple orgasms at the drop of a hat, and that is simply not true for most of us. So, to prevent embarrassment, she would rather just fake her orgasm so that her partner wouldn’t think there’s something “wrong” with her for not living up to the expectation that she should have an orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone. The most common method for a woman to have a real orgasm is through oral sex, masturbation, or during sexual intercourse with either her partner or her vibrator stimulating her clitoris at the same time. Every woman is different though, so it’s best to just ask your partner what he or she needs.
As for the second question, there is really no way to tell if a woman is faking it. Many women experience rapid vaginal contractions during orgasm, but not all women do, and this can be easily faked by flexing her Kegel muscles anyway. The only way to be sure is to ask. It is also important to note that there are some women out there who feel satisfied even without having an orgasm at all. Orgasm doesn’t have to be the main goal of sex; you should enjoy the entire process.
Editors Note: Lynsday Mercier is a senior Psychology major. She is also the president of Vox: Voices for Planned Parenthood, a trained sexual education peer educator and a teaching assistant for Psychology of Sex Behaviors.
