Question: What advice would you give to someone who has never performed oral sex on a woman before?
– Tongue-Tied Bob

Dear Tongue-Tied Bob,

Good question. The most important thing to remember is that every woman is different so always make sure to ask your partner first what she likes before assuming anything. All I can tell you is what many women enjoy, which is to focus most, if not all, of your attention on her clitoris. The clitoris is located right at the top of her vulva (the vulva is the external female genitalia) above the vaginal opening. Licking and gentle sucking seem to be favorites; especially a back-and-forth licking motion. The clitoris actually has a “hood” slightly covering it and the clitoris itself is super sensitive, so you might want to try and make sure not to directly stimulate the clitoris too much as this can be quite uncomfortable for some.
Keep in mind that this might take a while; some guys/gals like to “write” the ABCs with their tongues to keep themselves entertained, though hopefully only because they have a short attention span and not because they’re bored.
Another thing to remember is that many women also enjoy vaginal penetration during oral sex. If you’re some kind of double-jointed super gymnast who can penetrate her with your penis while performing oral sex on her, then go for it, but if you’re like most people, feel free to just use a finger or two, or a vibrator, to stimulate her vagina simultaneously. You can also pleasure her vaginal opening orally, but most prefer constant clitoral attention. A friend of mine once said about oral sex, “The vagina is a nice place to visit, but I don’t want his tongue to live there. Go back home to the clitoris!”
Last but not least, don’t forget to use a dental dam if neither of you have been tested for sexually transmitted infections. A dental dam is just a square piece of latex. They are pretty hard to find around Marquette, though I did see some at Northern Pleasures, the new adult store in town.
So, if you don’t have one, you can make one out of a regular condom by cutting off the tip and then cutting the rest of the condom lengthwise until you have a square piece of latex. Voila! To use it, just place it directly over her vulva and go to town.
Don’t forget that orgasm doesn’t have to be the goal here, especially the first few times around when you’re still getting to know each other’s bodies. There’s even a chance she doesn’t know what she likes. There are many women who aren’t very sexually experienced, or just aren’t into masturbation. If that’s the case with your partner, then explore her exciting anatomy together and find out.

Editor’s Note: Lyndsay Mercier is a senior Psychology major. She is also the president of Vox: Voices for Planned Parenthood, a trained sexual education peer educator and a teaching assistant for Psychology of Sex Behaviors. Lyndsay is not a medical doctor and her advice should never replace the advice of a doctor. Email her your sexual health related questions at: [email protected].