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The North Wind

The North Wind

The North Wind

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Caden Sierra
Caden Sierra
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Hey. My name is Caden and I'm from the Chicagoland area.  I'm currently going into my 3rd year at NMU.  I'm a multimedia production major with a double minor in journalism and criminal justice. For as...

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The North Wind is an independent student publication serving the Northern Michigan University community. It is partially funded by the Student Activity Fee. The North Wind digital paper is published daily during the fall and winter semesters except on university holidays and during exam weeks. The North Wind Board of Directors is composed of representatives of the student body, faculty, administration and area media.

Opinion — Its okay to outgrow your college friends
Opinion — It's okay to outgrow your college friends
Megan PoeApril 12, 2024

Top 5 Men’s

5. A brief walk over to the lavatory in the Art and Design building yields an interesting comparison to any other bathroom on campus, as the Art and Design restroom could be described as being anything but.
Walking into the bathroom reveals nothing. Although the door has the unmistakable sign indicating a bathroom, there are no stalls, no urinals, no mirrors and no sinks. The only source of light comes from a single bulb swinging from a long piece of wire connected to the ceiling. Indeed, this place looks more like a serial killer’s crawlspace than a place people go to relieve themselves.
Freshman English major Travis Trickle said he’s been hiding out in this bathroom for quite some time.
“I take all my victi-er, friends here. Yeah, that’s it,” Trickle said. “Often they’re a bit creeped out by the smell and lack of furnishings, but once I break out the chloroform they’re a whole lot happier.”

4. The bathroom on the second floor of Jamrich is one not a lot of students go into, as it’s designed for handicapped students only. The restroom is, for the most part, well-kept. The floors are clean and everything is in working order. The graffiti, though, is the only deterrent to an otherwise pleasant bathroom experience. For some reason there are pictures of cake plastered and drawn on the walls of the bathroom stalls.
Junior physical education major Ross Jynhed said he comes to this bathroom because of the ease it gives him.
“I like this place because it just makes it easier all around,” said Jynhed. “Plus my friends and I gather in here to play Dungeons and Dragons or World of Warcraft on our laptops, which can get really crazy. I’ve already become a level five dungeon master, so just watch out.”

3. Opening the men’s bathroom door on the second floor of West Science one might find it to be just an ordinary restroom, but looks are deceiving in this case. Upon walking into the lavatory a lavish couch is sitting in the middle of it. Although the couch is undoubtedly worn and dirty, it has a look about it that invites students to sit down and take a load off. On the wall opposite the couch there is a flat screen TV which would probably work if there were any outlets nearby to plug it in to.
An inspection of the actual stalls reveals a huge amount of graffiti and, surprisingly enough, a hole in the partition. Peeking through this hole was sophomore biology major Corey Cameltoy.
Cameltoy said he’s been coming to this bathroom for several years, regardless of the fact that he’s only a sophomore.
“I love it here. More often than not I don’t have a place to sleep so I curl up on the toilet and close the door, hoping the janitors don’t find me,” Cameltoy said. “Sometimes they do, though. That’s when I sleep outside in the academic mall. Do you have a quarter?”

2. With a large fountain in the middle of the bathroom and personal attendants waiting to help any student who needs a hand, there’s no doubt as to why students say the bathroom on the first floor of Gries Hall is the most spectacular thing they have ever seen. In addition to these luxurious items, there is also a bed available to any student who feels the need to take a nap. The personal attendants will then sing a song (only available upon request) to help soothe the stress students suffer from.
While all of this sounds incredible, the truth comes out when one walks into the stalls, which shows years of backup in the malfunctioning toilets. Toilet paper is also nowhere to be found. The graffiti on the bathroom walls are surprisingly scarce with only one message reading “JB gives good BJ.”
Senior art and design major Sean Shingleton said this is the first time he’s ever been in the bathroom.
“I’ve never been in a real bathroom before. We have a hole outside our house, but that’s about. This stuff here is real fancy like,” Shingleton said.

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1. The final bathroom on our list is located on the sixth floor of the Cohodas building. According to a rumor I started, this is President Long’s private bathroom and is often used not only to relieve himself but to conduct meetings as well.
According to Long’s secretary, Penelope Pennypincher, Long wanted a bathroom that rivals all others, one that screams “I am the president and everyone should listen to me.”
“He said he wanted gold everything and he kept using the word bling. Suffice it to say, the bathroom alone cost $100,000. We had to lay off three professors just to do it. I think it was worth it, though.”

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