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The North Wind

The North Wind

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The North Wind is an independent student publication serving the Northern Michigan University community. It is partially funded by the Student Activity Fee. The North Wind digital paper is published daily during the fall and winter semesters except on university holidays and during exam weeks. The North Wind Board of Directors is composed of representatives of the student body, faculty, administration and area media.

Students protest against Israel-Hamas war with campus encampment
Students protest against Israel-Hamas war with campus encampment
Dallas WiertellaApril 30, 2024

Vancouver Canucks ruin hockey

Enough is enough, Vancouver Canucks.

At what point will you take responsibility for the damage you have done to our proud sport?

How is it that one team can be so insufferable in every way that someone who prides himself on his grasp of the English language and his ability to coherently express his thoughts through his writing was rendered speechless by four playoff games?

There is absolutely nothing about your organization that you have a right to be proud of. Your fanbase is quick to call the Los Angeles Kings a team that has accomplished nothing, while a grand total of zero Stanley Cup banners hang from your rafters, replaced instead by Roberto Luongo’s jock, which has yet to be retrieved from the ceiling following his hilarious performance in Game 7 of last year’s Cup Finals.

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In a sport that is touted by its proud fans as the toughest sport to play, a sport characterized by such pride that any injury which lacks blood, broken bones, concussions or a torn anything wouldn’t even faze the most pedestrian of participants, your team has become synonymous with countless acting performances worthy of Academy Awards for best supporting (only Alexandre Burrows and the Sedins could be considered lead actors, and it would be the only time Henrik Sedin has been able to be considered a leader in any category).

And it isn’t even simply the diving, embellishing and absolutely disgraceful faking of injuries that has turned every other Canadian against you.

It’s the combination of the fact that any contact of an opponent’s stick to your shin pads is treated as though it ought to be brought before a grand jury as a case of assault, yet your elbows fly faster than Tony Jaa, and your fanbase finds no fault in your ridiculous interpretation of how hockey should work.

It’s that you believe Burrows (finally) being called for diving is a conspiracy against your team.

It’s that when Brad Marchand goes low on your guy, he ought to be booted from the league, but when Sami Salo commits an identical offense less than two minutes before, it was a clean hit.

It’s that Jim Hughson pumps up your tires more than your local mechanic.

It’s that your city looked like New Orleans circa 2006 after your fans rioted because their team lost a hockey game.

It’s that 40 years of futility somehow granted you some sense of entitlement that makes fans of the other 29 NHL teams just laugh at you.

It’s the fact that your incredulous fans shout “Luuuu!” after a shot goes 10 feet wide.

It’s because of everything that @LOLVancouver has retweeted.

It’s because after you lost game one because of multiple delay of game, over the glass penalties, your team thinks that a deflection over the glass ought to grant you a powerplay.

You are a joke. You are the worst.

Please. Stop it, and save our sport.

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