Satire—Commuting from home? Here’s three great places to scream out your agony

Harry Stine, contributing writer

College is when most students get their first taste of independence, their first sense of adulthood and living away from home. But with the rising cost of tuition and dorms, more students are spending their college experience commuting.

While there are those of us who may be able to get an apartment, move in with friends or live in their car, people like me have to live with their families. And being an anxiety-riddled child with hardly any control over my emotions, this can be challenging for me. I know there are others out there who struggle as well. 

So today I offer up a resource for those like me, because if there’s anything I’ve learned from my time in college, it is that the best way to solve your problems is by letting your emotions simply explode through nonverbal, yet extremely audible, actions such as screaming. It’s easy, it’s soothing and most of all, it’s affordable. God knows you need affordability. So, here’s a few places that are perfect for screaming in agony.

As a commuter, you probably know a thing or two about the scenic side of Marquette. Go out and rediscover the area through a new lens; it’s a great way to reduce stress and anxiety. Just make sure you let out blood-curdling screams when you’re out there. 

Personally, I love to visit the beach at Picnic Rocks, stand by the slow, shifting tides of death which make up Lake Superior, and stare up. Not at “the sky” like so many call it, but at the vast, empty void of space filled with dead dogs from Russia. And on a day with no clouds in sight and children at the park just trying to play, that’s when I scream until my very emotions shiver.

While we’re on the subject you should also remind yourself you’re never above having a breakdown in your car. Believe me, sometimes I find myself crying before I can even pull over. So give screaming in your car a shot! Driveways, sides of roads and empty parking lots at night are perfect places to release howls of agony.

Finally, there’s no place like home, and that’s true for screaming too. Tackle your stress head-on and scream to your heart’s desire or your lung’s endurance right in your living room. Step inside the root of your pain and labor to destroy it. Hey, why not open all the windows while you’re at it? If someone breaks into your home, then maybe they’ll hurt you and you’ll feel physical pain, which will serve to open the sea of hatred and pent-up emotions that rest inside you.

All that to say, commuting isn’t fun. You feel like you missed out on an experience your residence hall peers got. I mean I guess you could hang out with friends or join some clubs or something. But screaming is ultimately the better solution, I believe. It’s a more effective, less expensive course of action.