The Student News Site of Northern Michigan University

The North Wind

The North Wind

The North Wind

SURPRISE GRADUATION — T.J. Tockensons dusty and forgotten diploma, waiting to be received.  Tockenson was deeply surprised when he realized he graduated from Northern three years ago.

Satire — CAMS student discovers he graduated three years ago

Dallas Wiertella October 31, 2023

After three years of being denied registration from classes, not being able to secure a parking pass, and not having a valid student ID, T.J. Tockenson, a student in the communication and media studies...

ABSOLUTELY IRRITATING - Gordon Mullen is best known for interrupting people to start some weird argument. He often follows up with multiple reactionary viewpoints before declaring he won the conversation.

Satire — Guy who enjoys arguing hypotheticals voted worst person on campus

Harry Stine October 10, 2023

Student Gordon Mullen was recently voted the most unlikeable person on campus, as determined by a unanimous vote by the entire student body, a total of about 7,000 students. Mullen is best known for his...

Satire — Please stop making movies about me

Satire — Please stop making movies about me

Dallas Wiertella May 2, 2023

Dear Mr. Hollywood, It has come to my attention that, in the past decade or so, you may have used my likeness as an inspiration for some of the characters in your films. While flattered, I don't remember...

Satire — I deserve to ride the golf cart on campus

Satire — I deserve to ride the golf cart on campus

Harry Stine April 6, 2023

I became a student at NMU during my senior year of high school after deciding to dual enroll and take EN 111. I loved it. In the middle of the day, I was to leave my dreary high school and go to NMU's...

INDEPENDENCE — The chair that I often sit in, pondering how mentally efficient I am. I have developed poor social skills and I will not take any responsibility for that.

Satire — I love college, I just cannot stand people

Harry Stine February 6, 2023

I am your pretty average NMU student. I like music, jogging and sitting on my kitchen floor late at night after a hard day of work to pet my cat. I study harder and harder, and my hours at work get longer...

Satire — Political science department unveils trailblazing and emotionally distressing class

Satire — Political science department unveils trailblazing and emotionally distressing class

Harry Stine November 8, 2022

Gorbert Brandon from the political science department at NMU introduced a new class in a public forum last week for the winter semester.  “I’m very excited about this,” Brandon said. “I spent...

Man Waving Inside Window

Satire — New Bar Holds Craft IPAs, Giant Void Of Death

Harry Stine October 11, 2022

Another brewery has opened in Marquette this week, but to stand out among the crowd, this one offers something a little different than what you are used to. “We have a black void,” owner Damien...

RA Hiding Under Table

Satire — Resident advisors are “people” too

Harry Stine, Assistant Features Editor September 19, 2022

West Hall, which was torn down by NMU earlier this year, appears to have been home to hundreds, possibly thousands, of mole people before its removal.  In a press release, an NMU spokesperson denied...

Satire—Student inexplicably anxious walking past group of students

Satire—Student inexplicably anxious walking past group of students

Harry Stine, contributing writer April 14, 2022
Most people struggle with some form of social anxiety at some point in their lives, and acknowledging that it’s normal to not look great all the time is a good first step towards getting past it.
YUM!—Served on Thursday, Nov. 18 2021 at Northern Lights Dining, this breaded chicken was presented with carrots and celery.

Satire—The last supper: A farewell to NLD

Akasha Khalsa, Opinion Editor March 22, 2022
And now, oh NLD, we are nearing our final farewell. Our final days together have come. Don’t mourn our time together, don’t cry. For although you may miss my gold dining plan, I shall not.
Satire—Honor student admits they have no idea what they’re doing

Satire—Honor student admits they have no idea what they’re doing

Harry Stine, contributing writer February 9, 2022
“I’m just so scared that one day I’ll be called on in class and I won’t know the answer and finally be exposed,” Perdita said. “I’m scared that I’ll be seen as a fraud. I don’t even think I deserve all of this praise, to be honest.”
Satire—I will consume your soul in this course evaluation

Satire—I will consume your soul in this course evaluation

Harry Stine, contributing writer November 17, 2021
The semester is a few weeks from over, which means teachers will be asking you to fill in their course evaluations yet again.
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