Satire — I love college, I just cannot stand people


Harry Stine/NW

INDEPENDENCE — The chair that I often sit in, pondering how mentally efficient I am. I have developed poor social skills and I will not take any responsibility for that.

Harry Stine

I am your pretty average NMU student. I like music, jogging and sitting on my kitchen floor late at night after a hard day of work to pet my cat. I study harder and harder, and my hours at work get longer and longer, but at the end of the day I have my free time and I enjoy it immensely. 

On top of that, I have loved college. I really have. Through my time at Northern, I found my passions, I found new interests and I explored my personality. I am confident that when I look back at my time in college, I will feel satisfied. 

In fact, almost everything is pretty much perfect, even through the bad times. However, I have a frequent problem that comes up. I will be sitting at home, enjoying a nice cup of coffee when I am out or simply walking through Jamrich when all of a sudden, it hits me.

I cannot stand almost every person I encounter.

I love college, but I hate people my age. It is bad. I feel bad about it. I view myself as a well-rounded and confident young adult, but I see everyone else as a child. It is insane.

Is it some mix of jealousy and resentment, or do I simply get annoyed easily? I will listen to people tell me about their vacations or mention they have an insane hobby like skiing, and I think, “What is wrong with you? Don’t you get sick of people talking to you at all? How do you have money?”

Yes, class plays a part in it. I will not deny it. I get why Engels and Marx could not agree on what a class revolution would look like (I read the Wikipedia page for both of them). If you grew up kind of poor and your friends start talking about their favorite skiing destinations, your immediate reaction is unfiltered rage. 

I do not even like my friends. Friends are just people I hang out with because I had a class with them and they liked the same band as me or laughed at my jokes or whatever. That is the bare minimum when it comes to bonding, a statement that also serves as the definition of male friendship. I cycle through the same five excuses every weekend to avoid these people, and I am not even scared of getting called out on it anymore.

That is what college is at its core. It is about growing up, and growing up is realizing you do not care about conversations with other people and that your free time is the only thing of value you have left in your life, but you still have to play this little game with people where you act as if you care about things mutually or whatever.

You do not know me. We do not have things in common, and I am glad we do not because my perceived uniqueness would be tarnished and I cannot take that sort of damage right now. 

Then, on the other hand, it is so conflicting because I have gained so much through college, not just in the classroom. I have learned to be myself and dive into my passions like never before. I stopped caring, and I feel freer than ever before.

But I meet dumb people. I meet the dumbest people. People who have lame vacations. People who eat loudly. People who say “uh huh” after you say “thank you”.

I am not the problem. I had my character arc already. I need the entire world to be better.

Editor’s Note: This piece is a satire column, not a news article. The information presented herein is not factual, and is intended only for amusement. It is written by a non-staff contributing writer at the North Wind. As such, it expresses the personal opinions of the individual writer, and does not necessarily reflect the views of the North Wind.