Opinion—If I had $31

31+bucks

Sam Rush/NW

Maggie Duly

I often walk through stores and look at all the things I’d love to have but can’t afford, thinking to myself … if only I had $31 burning a hole in my pocket. What I could do with $31. 

Once NMU provides me the $31 total COVID-19 support grant, I’ll be super grateful to have some fresh money in my bank account to support my impulse spending habit. 

To start, I could go to the dollar store and buy 31 candy bars. Or maybe it would be better put toward two months of an HBO Max subscription, to watch “Friends,” of course. 

If Meijer is having their 10 for $10 sale I could go buy $31 worth of groceries, or my personal favorite 31 packs of flavored tuna fish—definitely jalapeño flavor. 

Bustle has a nice article, “21 Best Things to Buy On Amazon $30 & Under” that includes things like mugs, slippers, speakers, sheets and more. My personal favorite on the list is the Acupressure Mat and Pillow set. I actually just bought one of these. They’re good for back and neck pain and promoting relaxation, which is something you might need after being handed $31 to deal with your financial struggles. 

If you’re 21 and looking for a way to spend that $31, you can get an array of goodies from your local liquor store or recreational dispensary to make you forget about the fact that your university gave you $31 to help manage this difficult time.  

If you’re a guy and you’re looking for a fresh cut to impress your roommates, because where else would you be going besides home in a global pandemic, you can do that for under $31 at many of the hair salons in town. Sorry ladies, most women’s cuts cost $35 to $40. They’re not exactly in the price range this grant will allow.

For all you stock market gurus, you could consider investing your whopping $31 and see if you can turn it into a respectable amount of money that might actually help you. 

Maybe, if your car is an average size, you could go get a full tank of gas and a pack of gum at the gas station. But, if you have a car that requires diesel, don’t bank on a full tank. 

You could also treat yourself to that 5-course meal you deserve. You know the kind I’m talking about. When you go to Taco Bell and really go crazy getting all your favorites plus the Baja Blast freeze and cinnamon twists. 

In reality, the gracious gift of $31 from NMU will be put toward a fraction of the bills I pay each month to live and go to school. Thanks for your support and understanding, NMU.

Editor’s Note: The North Wind is committed to offering a free and open public forum of ideas, publishing a wide range of viewpoints to accurately represent the NMU student body. This is a staff column, written by an employee of the North Wind. As such, it expresses the personal opinions of the individual writer, and does not necessarily reflect the position of the North Wind Editorial Board.