Dear North Wind, 

I downloaded Tinder. Yes, I know it’s not a great place when looking for “the one.” And looking for the one wasn’t my intention. I just wanted to go on dates, meet new people and have new experiences. That is, until I met someone who was different from the rest. 

On our first date, we painted rocks, made jewelry together and he even made me dinner. We shared our music and had a really good time. I had never felt so connected to someone. We began to hang out more, and over the course of a week, we became closer. I thought I had actually found someone that I wanted to be with. 

Then he told me that he wasn’t completely over his ex, and he and his ex are trying to be friends. I understood and said we could still be friends because I enjoyed our time together. But when we were riding in the car he grabbed my hand and we kissed when I left. 

We had planned for a day that week to make cookies together, but on the day of our hangout, he said he forgot he had plans with his friends and wanted to reschedule. I told him that I was upset but I understood. 

He then said that he wasn’t ready for anything and he has feelings for me but he just needs to work on himself before he can focus on anyone else. I completely understood, but I was crying because I did really like him. He was like no one I had met before. He said we could still be just friends, but I told him I had feelings and I wasn’t sure if I could do that. We haven’t talked in a couple days and I miss him. I don’t know if I should reach out to be friends or just let it be.

Caught Feelings

Dear Caught Feelings,

First things first, we think you’re too critical of yourself that you found this person on Tinder. There’s certainly a stigma surrounding Tinder due to it being used mainly for hookups. But in the end, it’s also a dating app, and you can certainly find people looking to date and have relationships on there. It doesn’t matter the place you meet someone, just what kind of person they are.

Now, moving on to this guy. We see that you thought you had really found someone in this person. Unfortunately, you might have jumped the gun a bit and we understand. It’s easy to get wrapped up when you find someone interesting. Maybe you click really well with them and they seem to be interested in you.

That doesn’t mean you should ignore the red flags here and idealize this person. You’re just selling yourself short, and you’re worth more than that. Remember, there’s a lot of boys in Marquette. One Tinder boy who’s not over his ex isn’t worth your time; you can find someone equally interesting and more emotionally available if you look around. Someone who won’t walk away as soon as it gets real.

We say, just let this Tinder boy be. Don’t reach out to him. Let him stew over his ex. Getting further involved with this person would be setting yourself up for failure. As it is, you’re lucky to have gotten out without your heart smashed. Don’t be tempted to go back to him whenever you feel sad or lonely; you’ll only end up getting more hurt. He’ll never deliver what you need him to.

Perhaps you can use this opportunity to show yourself some love and care. Build yourself up. Hang out with your friends. Even when you’re alone, you can do things that make you feel validated. Paint rocks by yourself, cook for your roommates, make playlists of your music. You don’t need him for those things.

We know how it goes with people who say things like, “I like you, but I’m not looking for a relationship.” If you’re looking for more, you can’t let them treat you badly just because you crave their company. There are better outlets than hanging onto the vain hope that maybe, someday, they will be ready for something serious.

Getting emotionally invested is hard, but we promise it will be all right. Hang in there. Find someone else who won’t be toxic for you, someone who will provide what you need. This is certainly a difficult emotional situation, so take some time to process your feelings. We admire your bravery in writing about it and asking for outside advice. 

Just remember: take care of yourself. Buy a fish or a beetle, sneak in a pet chipmunk. Maybe watch a good movie, drink some apple juice, cry in the shower, listen to the “Phineas and Ferb” soundtrack … whatever floats your boat. Just don’t go back to this Tinder boy. You’re worth more than that.

Best Wishes,

The North Wind Staff