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Molly Birch
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My name is Molly, and I am in my second year at NMU. I come from Midland, MI, probably one of the most boring places on earth. However, we do have the only Tridge in the world, so that’s pretty nifty...

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The North Wind is an independent student publication serving the Northern Michigan University community. It is partially funded by the Student Activity Fee. The North Wind digital paper is published daily during the fall and winter semesters except on university holidays and during exam weeks. The North Wind Board of Directors is composed of representatives of the student body, faculty, administration and area media.

Students protest against Israel-Hamas war with campus encampment
Students protest against Israel-Hamas war with campus encampment
Dallas Wiertella April 30, 2024

Satire — Guy who enjoys arguing hypotheticals voted worst person on campus

ABSOLUTELY+IRRITATING+-+Gordon+Mullen+is+best+known+for+interrupting+people+to+start+some+weird+argument.+He+often+follows+up+with+multiple+reactionary+viewpoints+before+declaring+he+won+the+conversation.
Joleigh Martinez/NW
ABSOLUTELY IRRITATING – Gordon Mullen is best known for interrupting people to start some weird argument. He often follows up with multiple reactionary viewpoints before declaring he “won” the conversation.

Student Gordon Mullen was recently voted the most unlikeable person on campus, as determined by a unanimous vote by the entire student body, a total of about 7,000 students. Mullen is best known for his decision to defend a variety of reactionary viewpoints “for the sake of the argument”, a detail many people interviewed agree is the root cause of why people do not like him.

Classmates of Mullen recall him often turning conversations into “debates”, which would usually consist of him reading off information and then making a strange and somewhat smug face. Mullen was also known for mocking people only to say he was kidding, as well as defending famous people who were accused of misconduct. Some add that Mullen had trouble minding his own business.

“Oh, that guy sucks,” student Regina Sanders said. “We’d all try to talk about our weekends, and he’d be focused on defending Elon Musk or something. He was so annoying.”

Every student interviewed reported that as soon as Mullen would be called out, he would quickly add he was simply “playing devil’s advocate”. However, his roommate Riley Zinn shared that Mullen was an avid enjoyer of podcasts hosted by mediocre stand-up comedians and the interviews of Quentin Tarantino, and even had a Letterboxd account. This calls into question not only Mullen’s moral compass, but his mental stability as well.

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“One time he asked me why I support postmodernism,” Zinn said. “I don’t even know what that means, and I don’t care. I asked him why he doesn’t support himself with friends and he got really mad.”

Indeed, many have noted that when confronted with his lack of respect for basic social norms, Mullen would often respond with quiet anger. Many believe that Mullen spent so much time disagreeing with people over hypotheticals, he forgot how to interact with people in a normal way. 

Former friends of Mullen lament the loss of their once-close friend. According to them, including former roommate Peter Gregory, he was once a friendly, if shy, young man who enjoyed normal pastimes.

“He was a chill dude,” Gregory said. “I think he got too into podcasts, to tell the truth. He used to go jogging, play bass and then he kept telling me about all these commentators with really weird takes on stuff. He changed.”

Gregory went on to say that he believes Mullen eventually confused conforming to basic social norms with people “silencing him”, despite the fact that he would quite literally never stop talking.

“One time, I saw him push over chairs to get across the room so he could correct somebody about ‘The Joe Rogan Experience’,” Gregory said. “That was the last time we ever hung out.”

The case of Gordon Mullen goes to show the danger that podcasts can do to young men. He was once a normal college student, then based his personality off of the worst possible examples. Remember to always check in on your friends as they recommend a new podcast to you — it could just save their life.

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About the Contributor
Harry Stine
Harry Stine, Opinion Editor
In 2021, after one year of college and a semester of studying as a Public Relations major, I realized I wanted to be a journalist and not much else. After eagerly applying to be a Copy Editor, without even knowing AP style at that point, I started doing the occasional contributing writer piece for The North Wind. My frequent topic was satire. When I heard The North Wind was going through another round of hires, and a spot was open for an Assistant Features Editor, I applied in a heartbeat. I still do the occasional satire piece, but I take great pride in exploring NMU and Marquette for my topics, and finally having my head wrapped around AP style.